Hello!
For those of you who don't know me, I'm Kelly...
(Sporting a pout for Red Lipstick day- a fundraising/awareness day for St Marks foundation)
For those of you who don't know me, I'm Kelly...
...the little
sister - the Aunty, the Communion hairdresser, the birthday party
executor, the wedding finaliser, the sensitive one, the one who knows
what it's like to get the calls & texts that her sister is in
hospital again, the one who's heart skips a beat at any missed call from
my parents in case it's bad news, the one who knows what it's like to
have nearly lost her sister more times than I'd like to count... The
healthy one.
The healthy one - You have no idea how guilty that makes me feel, how I wish that I could take this awful illness away from my sister and even wish that it was me and not her! She has two beautiful children who need their Mum and who don't deserve to have to accept the things they do as normal; if I could do anything to give them back their Mum, even if it meant being terribly ill myself, I would do it in a heart beat, no questions asked! But instead I'm the one that has to stay well, stay out of trouble and make sure that I don't give my parents anything else to worry about, make sure I'm there to help & support as much as I can, make sure my sister knows I would do anything in my power to help her... that's my job and I think I'm doing OK, minus a recent horse riding accident that landed me in A&E (if I could have got away without telling my parents I would have but in my concussed state their's was the only phone number I could remember!).
I can remember being asked to go down to look after my nephew, who was only a couple of weeks old at the time, because my sister had to go to hospital to have a camera up her bottom and because she had to be sedated her husband would need to go with her. I don't remember asking any questions at the time but I suppose this is when it all started officially. Even after being diagnosed, I don't remember asking questions or fully understanding what was the matter with my sister and like most people I thought it was just a bit of a sore tummy and that she would be ok with medication and watching what she ate.
I can remember getting the call that they were rushing her in to surgery to remove her bowel - I was in Nottingham with my Hubby (then Fiancé) and some friends that had visited from London, about to go on the Nottingham Eye big wheel. My sister had been quite poorly but with only a few weeks to go until her wedding we had all hoped that the doctors could stabilise her enough and schedule the surgery for after the big day, but her bowel had perforated and her life was at risk and they had to act fast. I can remember being driven down by one of her friends to see her after the op and her showing us the post op stoma bag which was not at all what I was expecting, much smaller (and these post op bags are larger than your standard stoma bags).
There have been times when I have been angry at my sister because I personally did not agree with her actions, thoughts she was over-doing it and putting her recovery at risk, but at the end of the day who am I to judge? Would I have made the same choices in her position? I will hopefully never know.
I do believe that some good has come from all of this, I definitely think that it has made us closer as sisters. Some people say their sister is their best friend, I look at these people like they have come from another planet! We have never been close sisters and spent most of our younger lives getting on each others nerves and winding each other up (particularly when sharing a bedroom!). I have always been the annoying, sensitive (mardy), young acting, little sister and she has always been the annoying, assertive (bossy), older than her years, big sister, but there has always been that unspoken understand that if either of us needed the other, we would be there. I don't really remember ever telling my sister that I loved her as we grew up, of course I do love and these things often go unsaid but I do now make sure I tell her as often as I can. I have spent the last few years scared that she may go in to surgery and never wake up and though it sounds very morbid, I want to make sure that if she did die, she did so knowing that I love her. I remember going to the cinema to watch My Sister's Keeper with her and crying my eyes out because I couldn't understand (until the end of course) why this girl didn't want to help her sister when I would do absolutely anything for mine - at one point we thought she may have had kidney failure and so I was online googling to see how likely it would be that I was a match, reading through my employment contract to see whether I'd get time off to go and have a kidney transplant; it wasn't needed in the end, but I would have been first to volunteer if it was!
Last year my sister was supposed to take part in the Great London Swim - a 1 mile swim in the Thames estuary and a challenge that she had already completed twice since having her bowel removed (I think this was her showing herself and everyone else that having a stoma would not stop her from achieving such things). She was unable to take part in the 2013 swim as she was stuck in the Intestinal Failure Unit at St. Mark's hospital for 13 weeks, and had a Hickman line which is a massive no-no for swimming, let alone in the sewerage infested Thames! At the time she asked if anyone wanted to take her place - I can't do it this year but why don't we do it together next year was my reply, obviously without engaging my brain as I had not been swimming properly since primary school, a mere 20 years ago! We decided that I would do the swim to raise money for St. Mark's Hospital Foundation so that they can continue all of the brilliant work and research to help people like my sister. I went down and joined the local pool and I started to swim, only a few widths at first, stopping at the end of each width as I was so unfit. Over the months I gradually built it up and eventually moved myself up to swim lengths. I swim twice a week if I can and now 1 mile non-stop is a standard night for me (64 lengths), I try to get up to 80 as this should prepare me for the current and waves that I will experience when swimming in open water, and my personal best is 100 lengths which is 2.5km non-stop. I will be taking part in the Great London Swim on 30th August so do come along and show your support if you can - I'll be the one in the red St. Mark's T-Shirt and white crocs! Or, if you can spare a pound or two my sister and I, along with all at St. Mark's Foundation would really appreciate if you would sponsor me on my swimming adventure: www.justgiving.com/swimkellyswim
The healthy one - You have no idea how guilty that makes me feel, how I wish that I could take this awful illness away from my sister and even wish that it was me and not her! She has two beautiful children who need their Mum and who don't deserve to have to accept the things they do as normal; if I could do anything to give them back their Mum, even if it meant being terribly ill myself, I would do it in a heart beat, no questions asked! But instead I'm the one that has to stay well, stay out of trouble and make sure that I don't give my parents anything else to worry about, make sure I'm there to help & support as much as I can, make sure my sister knows I would do anything in my power to help her... that's my job and I think I'm doing OK, minus a recent horse riding accident that landed me in A&E (if I could have got away without telling my parents I would have but in my concussed state their's was the only phone number I could remember!).
I can remember being asked to go down to look after my nephew, who was only a couple of weeks old at the time, because my sister had to go to hospital to have a camera up her bottom and because she had to be sedated her husband would need to go with her. I don't remember asking any questions at the time but I suppose this is when it all started officially. Even after being diagnosed, I don't remember asking questions or fully understanding what was the matter with my sister and like most people I thought it was just a bit of a sore tummy and that she would be ok with medication and watching what she ate.
I can remember getting the call that they were rushing her in to surgery to remove her bowel - I was in Nottingham with my Hubby (then Fiancé) and some friends that had visited from London, about to go on the Nottingham Eye big wheel. My sister had been quite poorly but with only a few weeks to go until her wedding we had all hoped that the doctors could stabilise her enough and schedule the surgery for after the big day, but her bowel had perforated and her life was at risk and they had to act fast. I can remember being driven down by one of her friends to see her after the op and her showing us the post op stoma bag which was not at all what I was expecting, much smaller (and these post op bags are larger than your standard stoma bags).
There have been times when I have been angry at my sister because I personally did not agree with her actions, thoughts she was over-doing it and putting her recovery at risk, but at the end of the day who am I to judge? Would I have made the same choices in her position? I will hopefully never know.
I do believe that some good has come from all of this, I definitely think that it has made us closer as sisters. Some people say their sister is their best friend, I look at these people like they have come from another planet! We have never been close sisters and spent most of our younger lives getting on each others nerves and winding each other up (particularly when sharing a bedroom!). I have always been the annoying, sensitive (mardy), young acting, little sister and she has always been the annoying, assertive (bossy), older than her years, big sister, but there has always been that unspoken understand that if either of us needed the other, we would be there. I don't really remember ever telling my sister that I loved her as we grew up, of course I do love and these things often go unsaid but I do now make sure I tell her as often as I can. I have spent the last few years scared that she may go in to surgery and never wake up and though it sounds very morbid, I want to make sure that if she did die, she did so knowing that I love her. I remember going to the cinema to watch My Sister's Keeper with her and crying my eyes out because I couldn't understand (until the end of course) why this girl didn't want to help her sister when I would do absolutely anything for mine - at one point we thought she may have had kidney failure and so I was online googling to see how likely it would be that I was a match, reading through my employment contract to see whether I'd get time off to go and have a kidney transplant; it wasn't needed in the end, but I would have been first to volunteer if it was!
Last year my sister was supposed to take part in the Great London Swim - a 1 mile swim in the Thames estuary and a challenge that she had already completed twice since having her bowel removed (I think this was her showing herself and everyone else that having a stoma would not stop her from achieving such things). She was unable to take part in the 2013 swim as she was stuck in the Intestinal Failure Unit at St. Mark's hospital for 13 weeks, and had a Hickman line which is a massive no-no for swimming, let alone in the sewerage infested Thames! At the time she asked if anyone wanted to take her place - I can't do it this year but why don't we do it together next year was my reply, obviously without engaging my brain as I had not been swimming properly since primary school, a mere 20 years ago! We decided that I would do the swim to raise money for St. Mark's Hospital Foundation so that they can continue all of the brilliant work and research to help people like my sister. I went down and joined the local pool and I started to swim, only a few widths at first, stopping at the end of each width as I was so unfit. Over the months I gradually built it up and eventually moved myself up to swim lengths. I swim twice a week if I can and now 1 mile non-stop is a standard night for me (64 lengths), I try to get up to 80 as this should prepare me for the current and waves that I will experience when swimming in open water, and my personal best is 100 lengths which is 2.5km non-stop. I will be taking part in the Great London Swim on 30th August so do come along and show your support if you can - I'll be the one in the red St. Mark's T-Shirt and white crocs! Or, if you can spare a pound or two my sister and I, along with all at St. Mark's Foundation would really appreciate if you would sponsor me on my swimming adventure: www.justgiving.com/swimkellyswim
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