This morning I saw my consultant on the ward round. I was excited to find out the plan to get me home later this week but it looks like the plan is a little bit different to what I thought…
The gastro consultant had spoken to the microbiology consultant who said I need two weeks of antibiotics from the first date I had them. Depending on which antibiotic we are counting from (as I’m currently on three different types) that takes me up to either the 18th or 19th December. So far this was what I was expecting and so in my head I was thinking that I would probably be home for the weekend, just in time for the annual tradition of Christmas bowling with Bestie and her kids on Saturday 21st December.
But then he told me that we need to leave it 24-48 hours with no antibiotics and then do another blood culture from my Hickman line. After taking the blood culture we then need to wait 2 days (minimum) to make sure no bugs grow on the culture and only when they are satisfied that the line is infection free they will need to test the line out by giving me feed through it. So doing a quick addition of all of those days realistically that’s looking like a Christmas Eve discharge. And that’s so long as everything goes to plan. Not really the news I wanted to hear.
In all my years of being unwell I’ve managed to avoid being in hospital on Christmas Day. I’ve been discharged on Christmas Eve before and admitted on the 27th but never actually woken up on Christmas morning in hospital. And I know the kids are big now but Christmas is something I’ve always managed to be at home for. We’ve celebrated countless birthdays, anniversaries and other special events in a hospital day room but I just don’t think I can do Christmas. And if I am stuck in here I think it will break Hubby. I’m trying to think positive thoughts but inside I’m panicking and I feel sick.
Because I was expecting to be home this weekend I thought I would have a couple of days to do last minute present buying, gift wrapping and food shopping but now that looks unlikely. Luckily I bought the vast majority of the kids presents over the Black Friday sales but there’s still little bits I wanted to pick up and other people in the family that I haven’t even begun to think about. And because I’m literally hooked up to a drip 24/7 while they try to replace everything I would normally get in my feed it’s not like I can even get home leave and pop out for a couple of hours one afternoon.
Hubby is under huge pressure at work at the minute and now I have to add more on to his to do list because I’m stuck in here. I’ve looked at getting an online food delivery but of course all the Christmas slots sold out weeks ago. And in terms of present buying I’m pretty much limited to ordering stuff from Amazon as they’re the only place that I know will get the deliveries out to me in time for Christmas.
Deep down I know that the most important thing is that we are all together on Christmas Day, whether that’s at home or in hospital. I know that people will understand if their gifts are late or missing. I know that the doctors will do everything in their power to get me home for Christmas. But I also know that right now I need a good old cry. I’m sad and angry because yet again my illness is ruining things. Because yet again my kids are counting down to Christmas, but not in the same way as their friends. They’re counting down the days and wondering as the number gets smaller if their Mum will be home in time for Christmas.
The only good thing about being stuck in hospital is that I’ve had time to watch all the old episodes of Gavin and Stacey ready for the final episode on Christmas Day. Although having said that the new episode is on at 9pm by which time I will probably be fast asleep so I reckon I will be watching it on Boxing Day!!
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