Having spoken with the admissions clerk at St Marks before Christmas I was told that the 'Fanny Assessment' and stoma removal or takedown would happen on the same day to avoid me having 2 general anaesthetics.
I was told that this would take place on the 9th January but then hadn't heard anything so I rang them yesterday.
The lady I spoke to told me that actually the 9th might not go ahead now as although they had the theatre time they weren't sure if they had the right surgical team available to support Surgeon A in the procedure.
When I got off the phone I wanted to cry. I had spent all of Christmas getting my head around the fact that I would be having the operation in early January and not March time as they told me at my outpatient appointment. And now it might not happen.
If it didn't happen what would I do? I can't just sit around the house watching Jeremy Kyle and doing craft things, I would need to go back to work.
You see I am employed but currently not receiving any pay from my employer. I need to try and claim Employment Support Allowance benefit but to be honest that requires a whole post of it's own!
The idea of going back to work is a scary one. I have been off since June 2013 and the thought of having to get up, get dressed and go into the office and actually have professional conversations is something I find quite daunting.
So now I'm thinking about going back to work and how I will juggle my medications, TPN, stoma and everything else medical not only at work but in the mornings to make sure I actually get there on time.
My friend was round with her kids and kids are a great distraction. The world could be coming to an end and they would still be asking if it's time for lunch yet.
Talking with my friend over lunch we decided that 'what will be, will be' and if it was meant to happen on the 9th then it would and there was no point stressing over it.
This is a huge breakthrough for me as over the last few years I would have been ranting and raving, flapping and stressing and generally giving myself a headache. Learning to accept that there are things you can't control in life and these things shouldn't have energy wasted on them has made my life much happier and calmer.
But then yesterday afternoon I got a call from St Marks to say that a team had been put together and it was go, go, go for the 9th.
My head was all over the place. First it was January, then probably March, now definitely January. No going back to work for now. No getting suited and booted. But this meant an operation in a weeks time.
Now I felt sick. It is actually happening. Bloody hell.
I need to clean. I need to change beds. I need to do laundry and ironing. I need to plan meals and do food shopping. I need to pack. I need get waxed.
Stop!
No. All of things don't need to be done. It would be good to do them but what I need to do is hug my children. Tell my husband I love him. Have a night out with friends to talk about something other than stomas and hospitals.
So that's what I will be doing.
Starting with a date night to the cinema with my husband.
NB x
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