Ok, so I know I'm not dying but these last few months have got me thinking about what I want from life. It's like that clasic interview question, 'Where do you see yourself in 5 years time?' except for the fact that my answer has less bull shit in it cause I'm not trying to convince anyone to give me a job.
I've realised that there are things I want to do, places I want to visit, experiences I want to have. Some of them are small things, and some of them grander (and more expensive!)
Here's a few of them.
1. I want to go swimming. At the moment with a Hickman line I'm not allowed to go swimming incase of infection. It is also a bit of a palava with a stoma and with the way mine is (crazy and unpredictable) would make it even more difficult. So when I've not got either of those things any more I will be off to the pool. I will also take a long bath. A long, long bath with loads of bubbles. And scented candles because I'm not allowed to do that either at the moment.
2. I want a holiday. In the last 5 years we haven't had a proper family holiday because I have either been too unwell or because I have found the logistics of dealing with all the medical equiptment and medication too overwhelming. Well I want a week, or two, with my family, on a beach, building sandcastles, eating ice-creams and making memories.
3. I am going to buy a bikini. There was a lady featured in the Daily Mail a little while ago that had a stoma bag and wore a bikini on her honeymoon. I've never been that brave. I'm happy to show my bag to people that ask and friends and family have all seen it but I would never be brave enough to wear a bikini with the bag on show. So when my bag has gone I am going to buy a bikini to wear on aforementioned holiday, even if with all my scars my bellly looks like an AA road map.
4. I want to do a skydive. Because I have learnt that life is way too short not to do crazy things.
5. I will watch my wedding DVD. 2009 was the year my bowel perforated and I got my bag. It was also the year I got married. Two weeks after I was discharged from hospital infact. It was one of the most amazing days of my life but was also tinged with sadness from having been so ill. The 'better for worse, in sickness and in health' made every one in the Church cry. And becasue of the mixed emotions I have been unable to watch my wedding DVD. For years when I have looked at my wedding pictures I saw a sick, frail woman getting married but now I see someone brave. Someone strong. Someone surrounded by all the people she loved most in the world. So I will watch my wedding DVD, even if parts of it do bring back painful memories.
6. I am going to get my hair cut and dyed. Whilst I've been ill I have just let my hair grow as it's easy to be able to pulll it back into a ponytail. Before I was ill I had a short, blonde bob and that's what I want again. I want to feel well enough to be able to blow dry my hair after a shower. I want to have the energy to care what I look like when I leave the house. I want to look a little bit like the old me again.
7. I want to go for tea at the Ritz. Just because.
8. I want to give something back. I do believe that all of this has happened for a reason. What that reason is isn't clear at the moment but when I am well I want to do something. I don't even know what that something is yet; maybe volunteer at a hospital or at a suppport group. Maybe do some fundraising, I really don't know but I think that I will know when the time is right.
9. I want to watch an opera. It's something I've never done and I think you should always try something once. I also want to go to Sing-a-long Sound of Music. Opposite ends of the theatre spectrum, but hey, I'm that sort of gal!
10. I'm going to eat a corn on the cob. Sweetcorn is something that you cannot eat with a stoma. It blocks it up because the body cannot break it down (we all know it comes out looking like it went it!). I used to love corn on the cob. With loads of butter on it. So when my insides can cope with it, I'm going to have one. And enjoy every buttery mouthful.
There are other things that I want to do but I won't bore you with the whole list. I think all of us secretly has a bucket list inside of us. I just hope that it doesn't take being ill that makes you start to work your way through yours.
NB x
Here's a few of them.
1. I want to go swimming. At the moment with a Hickman line I'm not allowed to go swimming incase of infection. It is also a bit of a palava with a stoma and with the way mine is (crazy and unpredictable) would make it even more difficult. So when I've not got either of those things any more I will be off to the pool. I will also take a long bath. A long, long bath with loads of bubbles. And scented candles because I'm not allowed to do that either at the moment.
2. I want a holiday. In the last 5 years we haven't had a proper family holiday because I have either been too unwell or because I have found the logistics of dealing with all the medical equiptment and medication too overwhelming. Well I want a week, or two, with my family, on a beach, building sandcastles, eating ice-creams and making memories.
3. I am going to buy a bikini. There was a lady featured in the Daily Mail a little while ago that had a stoma bag and wore a bikini on her honeymoon. I've never been that brave. I'm happy to show my bag to people that ask and friends and family have all seen it but I would never be brave enough to wear a bikini with the bag on show. So when my bag has gone I am going to buy a bikini to wear on aforementioned holiday, even if with all my scars my bellly looks like an AA road map.
4. I want to do a skydive. Because I have learnt that life is way too short not to do crazy things.
5. I will watch my wedding DVD. 2009 was the year my bowel perforated and I got my bag. It was also the year I got married. Two weeks after I was discharged from hospital infact. It was one of the most amazing days of my life but was also tinged with sadness from having been so ill. The 'better for worse, in sickness and in health' made every one in the Church cry. And becasue of the mixed emotions I have been unable to watch my wedding DVD. For years when I have looked at my wedding pictures I saw a sick, frail woman getting married but now I see someone brave. Someone strong. Someone surrounded by all the people she loved most in the world. So I will watch my wedding DVD, even if parts of it do bring back painful memories.
6. I am going to get my hair cut and dyed. Whilst I've been ill I have just let my hair grow as it's easy to be able to pulll it back into a ponytail. Before I was ill I had a short, blonde bob and that's what I want again. I want to feel well enough to be able to blow dry my hair after a shower. I want to have the energy to care what I look like when I leave the house. I want to look a little bit like the old me again.
7. I want to go for tea at the Ritz. Just because.
8. I want to give something back. I do believe that all of this has happened for a reason. What that reason is isn't clear at the moment but when I am well I want to do something. I don't even know what that something is yet; maybe volunteer at a hospital or at a suppport group. Maybe do some fundraising, I really don't know but I think that I will know when the time is right.
9. I want to watch an opera. It's something I've never done and I think you should always try something once. I also want to go to Sing-a-long Sound of Music. Opposite ends of the theatre spectrum, but hey, I'm that sort of gal!
10. I'm going to eat a corn on the cob. Sweetcorn is something that you cannot eat with a stoma. It blocks it up because the body cannot break it down (we all know it comes out looking like it went it!). I used to love corn on the cob. With loads of butter on it. So when my insides can cope with it, I'm going to have one. And enjoy every buttery mouthful.
There are other things that I want to do but I won't bore you with the whole list. I think all of us secretly has a bucket list inside of us. I just hope that it doesn't take being ill that makes you start to work your way through yours.
NB x
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