I've spent the last 10 days in hospital battling to save my Hickman line from this bloody line infection. I'm on IV antibiotics and the Hickman line is being locked with antibiotics (that's where they insert just enough of the antibiotic to sit in the line and not go into the bloodstream. And 2ml is all that's needed. There you go- you've learnt something today!)
It's really hard to photograph because I'm trying to do it one handed and it's in a really funny place it's in my arm.
It's been an eventful 10 days though. Would you expect anything less with me? I've had to have a picc line inserted into my arm. What's a picc line? I hear you say. The best way of describing it is to say it's like a Hickman line but in your arm instead.
I was just lying on my bed minding my own business one morning when a porter came and said that he was taking me for a picc line. "No, not me" I replied and we then did this thing of him asking me my name and confirming that he had the right patient and that I was definitely going down for a picc line. I called one of the nurses in who agreed that yes, I was due to have a picc inserted. Nobody had told me that this was going to happen and although it had been mentioned by a doctor in passing I didn't realise that it was a given. Initially I wasn't sure if I wanted to have a picc line and so I said that I wasn't going. I was worried about it getting infected; after all it sits in the same vein as the Hickman line which is already infected. But the nurses on the ward explained that because I am so hard to cannulate and when they do get a cannula in they tend to not last too long that the picc line would be the best thing. If my current cannula gave up over the weekend then I would have no access and no way to get my IV antibiotics and fluids. They only do picc lines Monday to Friday and so potentially the worst case scenario would be that I would go a weekend with no antibiotics or fluids or would have to get a central line inserted (that's the lovely neck line which regular readers will have has the pleasure of viewing on more than one occasion!) I gave in and agreed to having a picc line but they said that I had missed my slot in theatre. You might be lucky and get a place on the afternoon list they told me to which I replied that if I was meant to have one then I would have one. Just as I said that I looked down at the cannula in my foot only to see that it had tissued and there was a pool of saline on the floor around my foot. Spooky or what?
I did get on the afternoon list and I had to go down to Interventional Radiography to have it inserted as they need to use X-ray and ultrasound to get it in. They basically poke a tube into a vein in your arm, thread it all the way up and into the vein that sits just above the heart. That's a real simplified explanation but I'm sure you get the gist. Did it hurt? Is normally what I get asked next. Not too much because they give you local anaesthetic but it does feel very strange and you can see it all happening on the screens in the theatre which some people would find weird but I find utterly fascinating.
During the week I had visits from my Nan, my cousin and a couple of school mums. That for me shows that we've moved from the realms of just being friendly in the playground and going for the odd coffee into real friendship. For me this is a big thing because it's the beginning of me making real friends and becoming settled in Nottingham. When we moved I left behind a a lot of friends and I miss them. I miss them a lot. I've found that family can't quite fill their shoes. It's like a square peg, round hole situation. Now to any family reading this, please don't be offended. You guys have your own lives and you've been a big support but I haven't yet found that someone to go clothes shopping with or to go out for lunch with or just slob around the house in my pjs with on a bad day. I knew that building these friendships would be hard work and would take time but it's definitely much easier to do with a baby or toddler. There's groups and places you can go with a little one and you can meet other mums but where can I go to make friends? Apart from trying to reconnect with people I knew in Nottingham before I moved away 15 years ago there's the school playground and that's about it. And being unwell doesn't make it any easier either. The amount of times I've had to cancel meeting someone for coffee or lunch is just ridiculous and I can't ever do anything in the afternoons because I need to have my nap to recharge my batteries before the kids come home from school. Some people are more understanding than others. And sometimes the people that you think would understand and be supportive aren't and that's like a slap in the face.
So as sad as it sounds having the school mums come to visit is a big thing. I always try to look for the silver lining in any situation and I guess that this is it.
On Friday evening my floor of the hospital had a fire alarm causing a power cut on the ward. Hubby and the kids had come to visit and were just getting ready to go home as it was getting late when this happened and they thought that I was winding them up when I told them that they couldn't leave, that they were locked in. Because the power cut had affected the doors on the ward they were locked until the emergency generator kicked in. It took almost 30 minutes but they eventually got to leave much to the kids disappointment. I think they were hoping to have a sleepover with me!
The generator powered all the essential stuff but the TVs went off and never came back on even when full power was restored. I spent the whole weekend with no TV to watch and soon got bored after I watched the few programmes I had downloaded on my iPad. I was running out of my 4G allowance despite ringing my phone provider and wangling an extra 2GB for free on top of my normal allowance. It didn't help that Hubby and the kids were away for the weekend so I didn't get to see them either. It was my Godsons birthday and we had planned to head south to celebrate it. I didn't see the point in all 4 of us missing out so I told Hubby to go. The kids had been looking forward to it so much it would break their hearts to tell them they were going to miss out on the party. It seems like my body takes a look in my diary, sees an event (be it a hen night, wedding, birthday celebration, baby shower, holiday etc) and decides to give up on me just before so that I end up missing out. If I had a £1 for every time I've missed out on something in the last 7 years I would be a rich woman. The glass is half full brigade would say that it makes the events I manage to go to even more special but the glass is half empty brigade says bullshit! It's just not fair. What do I say? Depends how I'm feeling on the day you ask me!
The TVs eventually started working again on Monday morning, 60 hours after they first went off. And don't worry, I've already called up and had the 3 days added on. There was no way I was going to pay the extortionate price that I've had to pay for the TVs and not claim it back! It costs £10 a day to be able to access the tv or they do a deal where you get a week for £40!! Because it's run by a private firm and they have no competition they can basically charge what they like. When you spend as much time as I do in and around hospitals you can see where the NHS has privatised certain services and they're in it for the money- they couldn't care less about the patient. And it scares me because for me this is the thin end of the wedge. I've said before that I think that the NHS as we know it won't be around when my children are adults. The glass half full in me hopes that it will be reformed and revitalised for the better but the glass half empty says we're headed for a system similar to the one they have in America where they want to see your insurance papers before they will even consider treating you.
NB x
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