What a night!

On Wednesday the kids had a funday after school. The PTA had organised bouncy castles, giant outdoor games like connect four, dominoes etc, a BBQ, ice creams, a tuck shop and pocket money stall. 

In the morning I went to the shops to get the ice creams and ice lollies, plus donuts for the helpers! I took my bestie with me as she was 2 days past her due date and the midwife had told her to keep moving. Plus I was going on holiday on Thursday so wanted to spend some time with her before I went. 

She had been having contractions on and off so I picked her kids up from their school and took them to the funday so she could rest. The 4 kids had a great time, playing football, frisbee, going on the inflatables, having a little picnic and while we were there I got a text to say she'd had a 'show' and was boucing on her birthing ball trying to encourage things along. 

When it got to bedtime her contractions hadn't got any more frequent so she told me to bring the kids home so they could go to sleep in their own beds. She wanted to keep things as normal for them as possible incase it was a false alarm. Her hubby was timing the contractions and was convinced that the baby would be making an appearance that night and that he would be bringing the kids round to me within hours. 

So I went home and did the packing for the holiday. I find it incredibly stressful preparing to go away, whether it's for a night or a week. I need to take so much medication, TPN fluids and medical equipment so it's not as straightforward as just chucking a change of clothes, clean knickers and a toothbrush in a bag. I was also trying to work out what to take (vests, shorts and flip flops incase it's hot, jeans, jumpers and Uggs incase it's cold. Plus a rain jacket incase it pours. That's the trouble with holidaying in Britain- you have to pack for all seasons). 

I needed to hook up and have some fluids and was feeling the effects of a few hours sat out in the sun. I got my fluids up and running and got into bed. I was so tired that I didn't even hear the alarm on the pump- Hubby had to give me a good kick to wake me up. At first I just turned the alarm off and turned over. I didn't have the energy to start faffing about with it but the alarm went off again so I tried to rouse myself. 

The pump alarm said that there was an occlusion or air in the line so I flushed the Hickman Line and the giving set (the wire from the fluids to my line). I started the fluids again but the alarm started again instantly. I repeated the flushes which basically means that I use a 10ml saline syringe and push it through the line to clear out any blockages or air. I started the fluids and the alarm sounded again. 

Not knowing what to do I rang the out of hours line at Healthcare at home, the company that look after St Marks patients in the community. They said they would get a nurse to ring back so when the phone went I expected it to be the nurse. But it wasn't. It was besties hubby. 

Bestie had gone to bed and her waters had gone. They'd rang the hospital and were told to go in so they would be dropping the kids off in 10 minutes. Hubby went and sorted out the beds to make room for them and then the doorbell went. 

After they had left and we were settling the kids into bed her Big boy realised he had left his special teddy at home and he can't sleep without it. So I drove over there to go and get it. While I was there the on call nurse rang and wanted me to carry out a drawback procedure but when I explained where I was and what I was doing she said she would call back in half an hour. 

So I drove home with the special teddy for her Big boy and the wet bed sheets for the washing machine. Once all the kids were settled and asleep I called the nurse back as it was past midnight and I wanted to get it sorted so I could get some sleep. 

I put the nurse on speakerphone and she talks me through the drawback which is taking blood from the Hickman line to check that there are no clots or nasties in the line. I managed that no problem but then when I tried to flush the line again it wouldn't go in. I tried and tried and then got another syringe which did eventually go in. There was a lot of resistance which is unusual and not good. 

I set up a new bag of fluids with a new giving set. Because I had disconnected and connected the last bag more than twice the protocol says that it must be thrown away to prevent infection. £100 worth of fluids just down the sink. That's how much each bag costs I've been told. 

But within minutes of starting the fluids again I got a terrible pain in my chest behind the Hickman line and radiating into my shoulder and up my neck. It was so bad that I had to stop the pump and ring the nurse back again. 

While on the phone up her the pain became much worse and my breathing was becoming laboured. I passed the phone to Hubby and he spoke to her. Next thing I know he's telling me that she's ordered an ambulance because she thinks that my line might be fractured (have a crack in it internally) or that I have a pulmonary embolism. 

The first paramedic arrives in a car and comes up yo the bedroom. Great big dirty black boots on my cream bedroom carpet- that was all I could think when I saw him. He put me in the monitor and did an ECG to check my heart was working ok. It was- probably the only bit of me that works properly! Good job as it's bloody vital!

In the meantime the nurse had spoken to the on all doctor at St Marks and they wanted me in there so they could sort out my line rather than go into my local hospital as they messed up last time when they had to put a new line in. And so began a great debate because the paramedics are instructed to take patients to the nearest A&E. And St Marks is not my nearest by a long stretch. 

So the nurse spoke to the paramedics (by this time an am had arrived with 2 more paramedics)who said that the St Marks doctor had to call their control room to request that I'm taken to St Marks. The paramedics were concerned that it was further away. They were worried that I would take a bad turn in the ambulance and even informed us that the 'outcome may not be favourable' ie- you might die en route. 

Hubby and I said that we would rather have a 15 minute longer journey and get to St Marks rather than go to princess Alexandra and get stuck there. We knew the risks and were willing to make the longer journey. 

So I got into the back of the ambulance, was given gas and air and off we went, blue lights flashing all the way to Northwick park A&E. (I have to go there as st marks don't have their own A&E and the 2 hospitals share one building so if I get admitted to Northwick park then the st marks doctors will come and see me and try to get me onto the IFU unit if there's a bed). 

I arrived at A&E at 3am (the journey took 38 minutes which is a new world record time for my house to the hospital!). They did a chest X-ray to see if the line had snapped or been pulled out of place but it showed neither. The doctor believes it's a small fracture/crack that won't show on an X-ray. 

Hubby and I doze on and off until about 7am when we start to think of the practicalities of getting 4 kids to school. Luckily my parents were at my house as they were coming on holiday with us so we didn't just leave the kids on their own all night. 

Big Girl had hip hop class at 8am, Big Fella starts at 8.45 and besties kids are at a different school and start at 9am. How is this going to work logistically? We decided that Dad would take Big Girl, one of the school mums would get Big Fella and then Dad could take the other 2 to their school. 

Around 8am I got a call from my Dad telling me that besties big boy wanted to talk to me. "Mummy's had the baby. It's a boy!" He was so excited. All of the 4 kids had a quick chat on the phone and her girl said to me "you've not seen the baby before us have you?" The kids wanted to be the first ones to see the baby (rightly so) and she was worried because my parents told the kids that me & Hubby had gone up to the hospital as they'd forgotten to take something. We didn't want the kids to know that I was unwell and could possibly miss the holiday. 

So on one hand I'm so excited that baby Bryan has been born (and from the picture bestie has sent I can see he is gorgeous and his names not really Bryan, that's what we nicknamed the bump) but on the other hand I'm gutted to think that I might not be able to go on holiday. 

It's just not fair. Is it really too much to ask to have a few days holiday so that I can have quality time with my family? Am I destined for this illness to rob me of everything good? I hate to have a pity party but I'm just so fed up. 

If the line is fractured then it will need to come out. I will then have to stay in hospital until I can have a new line fitted. Dr7 does lines on Fridays and I've been told he can do me tomorrow but I think they're trying to avoid it if at all possible. 

One of the specialist nurses came and tried to unblock my line. She removed a blood clot but instead of lowering the pressure in my line it actually made it go up. Dr7 wants to scan my line and my veins to see if they've narrowed and are therefore causing the pressure to build up in the line. I went down to the interventional radiology suite to have this done and I waited and waited. The person in front of me was having complications and as they were coming out the nurse said they were sending me back to the ward as they had an emergency case. 

Hubby and I discussed it and felt it was important that he took the kids away as they'd been looking forward to it plus I didn't want my parents or sister to miss out on a break because of me. So I'm now sat on the ward (luckily they managed to find me a bed on IFU) not really knowing what's going to happen tomorrow or whether I will manage to join my family on holiday.

This afternoon there have been numerous texts, what's app messages and phone calls to get everything sorted out but they're on their way now. It is far from ideal but then we've got used to that over the last year. And if I'm feeling down then I look at this picture that bestie sent me and I smile. 

You can't stay sad long when you're looking at such a gorgeous baby. Plus you're reminded how amazing life is and what a miracle it is that any of us are here at all. 

NB x