Have you heard of 'The Spoon Theory'? No? Neither had I before I got ill. Why would I have? I didn't spend my time trawling through the internet in search of lotions and potions and pills that might just make me feel a little bit better, because I was well. I was out living life and having fun. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that I don't have fun any more. I just have less of it, with fewer people and without the aid of alcohol!
The spoon theory was written by Christine Miserandino and she asks that when you reference the theory you add a link to her website, so here it is:
http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/
I saw this tonight on Facebook and thought was a brilliant visual to help you understand the 'theory' (and my life) a bit better.
That really is what it's like having a chronic illness. But the trouble is you never know how many spoons you have when you wake up. My body likes to play tricks and some days I might get 8 spoons and another day only 2. So that's why it's so important that I be very careful in what I choose to do.
I always try to get up and take the kids to school. If I can't manage that then I know it's definitely going to be a bad day! And if I have any important phone calls or emails to send (that I didn't send when I woke up at 3am for the toilet 😉) then they are always done in the morning. And by midday I'm usually winding down and going for my afternoon nap. I need to sleep each afternoon for at least 2 hours otherwise I simply do not have the energy to do anything in the afternoon/evening.
So the next time you're feeling a bit sorry for yourself or think that your life is crap then take a moment to count up how many spoons you have used up today and if it's over 10 then you're doing ok in my book!
Do you have a friend like me that's not too well and wish you could give them some of your spoons? Well you can! Kinda. You can't actually physically give them any more energy but the way that you can help is to do something for them that they would otherwise spend their spoons on. This might be doing the Tesco shop, or picking them up a newspaper, taking them to their doctors appointment or even offering to make a phonecall for them. Don't be surprised if at first they refuse your offer of help- I often struggle on despite loads of people offering to help me.
It's really hard accepting that you need help. I think it's a pride thing and for some people it's about not giving up or letting the illness win. And even when deep down you know you need the help it's even harder to take it when it's offered. But what I find the hardest thing in the whole wide world is to ask for help...so that's why if you have a friend you think could do with some help then you should offer.
And not just a flimsy whimsy "if you need anything, let me know what I can do" sort of offer.
It needs to be specific: I can do your Tesco shop for you.
It needs to have a time attached to it: I can do your Tesco shop on Monday morning for you.
And you need to make sure the person knows that it's a genuine offer. I can do your Tesco shop for you on Monday. I'm going to pick a few bits up for myself so it's no problem for me to get yours too. If that's not a good day or time I can change it because I want to do this for you. Or is there something else that you would prefer me to do? I can iron, take you out or do whatever you need. Monday morning I'm all yours.
Do you see the difference? The person doesn't have to ask you to do the task and you're letting them know that you've cleared some time in your diary especially for them. I'm very lucky that my friends do this with me but also respect the fact that sometimes I just need a day under the duvet without any human contact at all to get myself back on track.
NB x
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