Birthday celebrations

It's been Big Girls birthday this week and I couldn't help but think of how different this year was to last. 

Last year I was in St Marks hospital after having had my pouch formed in mid July 2013. I was in a bad way as I'd had infections, complications and was struggling with hydration issues. I was so poorly I wasn't even well enough to leave the ward so it meant that she had to come to the hospital. On her birthday. 

I felt as though I had totally failed as a mother. I had already been in hospital for Big Fella's birthday earlier in 2013 but managed a few hours day release. I felt that no child should ever have to spend the day in a hospital on their birthday. Hubby and I asked her what she wanted to do on her special day. I didn't want to make her come into the hospital if she didn't want to and even though I would be heartbroken if I didn't see her I was willing to do that to make her happy. 

She decided she wanted to come and see me in the morning, spend the day in London with her brother and Dad and then come back to see me before going home. 

So Hubby had to buy all the presents on his own, wrap them, write the card...all the stuff I would usually do. The nurses knew how upset I was so they helped me to blow up some balloons and put up some 'happy birthday' banners around my bed ready for her coming in. 

When they arrived hubby had brought a picnic lunch with him as Big Girl had decided that she didn't want to go into London- she wanted to spend the whole day with me. I was so pleased as didn't get to see the kids very often and spending all of her birthday with her was my idea of a perfect day. 

During the day the nurses kept popping in to wish her happy birthday but one of the visits always sticks in my mind. One nurse came in, said happy birthday and asked her what presents she had received. She then said "it's not much fun spending your birthday in hospital is it?" And I will never forget Big Girls reply: "it doesn't matter where I spend my birthday so long as we are all together". 

So call it guilt over last year, or me just being mad, I wanted to make sure her birthday this year would be really special and filled with treats. We went to the Olympic Stadium one evening to watch an international basketball match, letting the kids have popcorn and fizzy drinks while they watched it. We booked tickets to the West End and took them to see a show, went round the National Portrait Gallery and had dinner at Prezzo, our favourite restaurant. 

We spoilt her by buying her an iPad, dolls and new clothes- I know that you can't buy love and that really the kids want my time more than my credit card but I just love being well enough to go to the shops, even if it's with my stick or the wheelchair, and being able to choose things for them after a year of only being able to get them what the hospital shops stocked! 

Last year she wanted to have her friends round for a sleepover but it was going to be too much for hubby so she was only allowed to have her best friend stay. This year we let her invite who she wanted and the numbers grew from 2 to 4 to 7! But she was happ and that was all that mattered to me. 

And one day we had lots of friends round for a little tea party. It was meant to be a picnic party at the local park but the weather meant we had to change the plans and so 14 kids and 8 adults descended on my house. And you know what? The house was soon a mess, but it was filled with noise and laughter and the sounds of kids having fun and mums chatting. And to me that's what makes a house a home. 

So I did all this stuff, which has been great, but I am now totally exhausted. Every day I'm having to have a nap for a few hours in the afternoon because by 3pm I'm good for nothing. Luckily I have great friends and even on the day of the tea party I just left them all to it and just took myself off to bed! I'm learning to listen to my body and when I'm tired I stop. 

I have to admit that the last week has caught up one and I'm writing this in bed on Sunday morning, dosed up on painkillers and with my hot water bottles on my aching back and numb leg. My parents have been down to visit and my Dad is cooking bacon and eggs for everyone, I can hear the hiss of the steam iron so mum must be tackling the huge ironing pile and having her grandparents here has been the icing on the cake for Big Girl. 

So yes, I'm in pain. Yes, I'm exhausted. Yes, I will probably have to spend today in bed. But was it worth it? Hell yes! Would I do it again? Every last thing. Am I happy? More than you will ever know because when you compare this birthday to last year it shows how far I've come and how far we've come as a family. We're still standing, still together and still having fun. And afternoon naps rock!

NB x