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Computer says No

I've been off work now since June last year and have run out of Statutory and Occupational sick pay. As a result I've had to apply for...

...Benefits. 

As someone that has worked from the age of 15 I hate to think that I'm getting handouts and that other people are going to work so that I can have benefits. But being paid a big fat zero means that times must. Plus I've paid my taxes so I guess I'm entitled to a little bit of help whilst I'm recovering and not well enough to work. 

I had called the benefits office before Christmas and had a claim form for Employment Support Allowance (ESA) sent out to me. But I found that a 50 page form and morphine don't go well together. I tried to do a bit each day but just found it hard work and soul destroying so I kept putting it off. 

Then I went into hospital early January and thought I would do it when I got out, not expecting to be in for 4 weeks, so yesterday I thought that I would bite the bullet and ring them again and see if they could help me. 

Initially the advisor said she could do it over the phone with me but it would take 40-60 minutes. Fine, I said as I thought at least then it would be done and dusted. But after a few questions there was a silence then she asked if she could put me on hold. 

When she eventually came back to me (good job this was an 0800 number) she said that because I had previously had a form posted to me that she couldn't do it over the phone because the computer wouldn't allow it. 

I explained that I had just come out of hospital, was on strong pain relief medication and it would be easier to do it over the phone but she just kept saying that the computer wouldn't allow it and that I would have to complete the form. 

This is what came to mind...


She even said that my husband should help me with the form...fair enough but I'm guessing that if I didn't speak English there would some kind of help available. 

So after putting the phone down I spent the next hour filling out the form, answering loads of questions, some of which seemed to bear no relevance on the claim process, but these are the hoops you have to jump through I guess to get your handout. 

When Hubby came home from work he checked through it and found a few unanswered questions and a few wrong answers. I'm blaming it on the medication- surely I'm not so stupid I can't even fill a benefits form out??

Anyway, trying to navigate the benefits system has given me a new found respect for 'White Dee' on Benefits Street- that woman knows her stuff!! Just give her a bra and she could become a respectable advisor!

NB x


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