First time not eating in a restaurant

Today has been a good day. I managed to get up and have a shower, which is an achievement in itself and then the four of us went into the city centre to get the last few bits we needed for holiday. We put the wheelchair in the boot incase I needed it but I was able to manage with just my walking stick. Today was mainly shopping for Big Fella cause he keeps growing. Annoying how kids do that isn’t it? Usually I order everything online and get him to try it on at home because he’s a bloody nightmare at shopping but I didn’t want the hassle of having to do the returns. At first he refused to try stuff on, saying that he would try it on at home and then it could be returned if it didn’t fit but I frog marched him to the changing room and told him that I would take away his Xbox if he refuses to try the stuff on. Funnily enough he was a bit more cooperative after that!

After a couple of hours we met up with Big Girl’s boyfriend and his family and we all went to Pizza Express together. I am friends with his Mum so it’s not like it was some weird meeting of the inlaws! But this was the first time I had been to a restaurant since not being able to eat and I was nervous. When I went shopping with Big Girl earlier in the week she has wanted us to get food but I felt too self conscious to go to a restaurant and not eat when it was just me and her so we didn’t. This time though there was 8 of us so I thought I wouldn’t stand out so much.

I ordered an Appletise even though I don’t really drink and took sips of it throughout the meal. Big Fella wanted a pizza and dough balls so I ordered the dough balls as though they were for me so I didn’t have to explain to the waitress that I wasn’t eating. I did nibble on one or two and could see Hubby giving me evils but it’s very strange to sit at a table when everyone is eating and you’re not. I know it’s because he worries about me but he has to let me navigate this because it’s not him that’s going through it.

It was so great to catch up with my friend and we had such a laugh during the meal that it actually wasn’t too awkward sitting there not eating. I think it will definitely be easier to blend in during group meals and maybe once I’ve got a bit more confident I will be able to go out with Hubby or one of the kids and not feel like everyone is staring at me for not eating. I know some people who are on TPN and are unable to eat do the ‘chew and spit’ technique, which is exactly what it sounds like. They have food, chew it to get the taste of it and then spit it out so it doesn’t upset their insides. I’m not sure I could do this because I’m so forgetful I would end up swallowing instead of spitting (stop it, you’ve got a filthy mind!) Plus I think for me it’s easier to have nothing to eat because I find that then I’m not craving food or feeling hungry.

Holiday packing is continuing and I’m enjoying going through my wardrobe and trying on all my ‘thin clothes’ and finding that they now fit! Some of these bits I haven’t worn in over 8 years but I liked them too much to get rid of them. It’s saving me a small fortune! One thing I’m struggling with is jeans. I don’t want anything that’s too rigid around my tummy and after 18 months of pjs I can’t bear to have tight, skinny jeans on my legs; it feels so restrictive. Luckily I’ve got quite a few pairs of palazzo pants with wide, floaty legs so I think I will be sticking to those.

New car smell

After everything that’s happened over the last 5 weeks not many days have been good days but today was. I will write a blog post about everything that happened but that’s for another day! Today I went to pick up my new motability car and got to breathe in that new car smell. I am now the proud lease holder of this lovely Volvo XC40. To be honest, part of me wasn’t sure whether to write a blog post about getting the new car with everything that’s been going on with the disability benefit reforms. There’s been so much written about motability cars on social media but a lot of it is misinformation and hate and that made me nervous to write this post. But I figured that most people reading it are friends and family and understand my need for the car. But for those that don’t let me explain a bit about how the motability scheme works. I am lucky enough (or unlucky enough depending on how you look at it) to claim PIP- personal independence payment. This benefit is designed t...

The germs have got me 🦠

Being on azathioprine, influximab and prednisone is helping to control this recent Crohns flare up. But unfortunately they work by wiping out my immune system making me more susceptible to all the bugs doing the rounds. I refuse to stay at home and be held hostage by these meds though- for me they are there to give me my life back, not to make me a prisoner in my own house, so the inevitable has happened and I’ve got a cold. ‘It’s only a cold’ you might think, but with no immune system to fight it off this cold has made me pretty poorly. Yesterday I couldn’t get out of bed and felt so, so ill. I was coughing and struggling to breathe so I’m pretty sure I’ve got a chest infection too. But I can’t confirm that because apparently even being immunocompromised with a suspected chest infection is not enough to see a GP these days! I spoke to the receptionist at the GP surgery this morning who told me that all the urgent appointments for today were gone (and this was at 8.25am, aft...

Disability benefits cuts

So in Rachel Reeves spring statement earlier this week it was confirmed that there will be massive changes to the benefits system including the way that PIP is assessed and changes to the health element of Universal credit. As someone who is receipt of both PIP and ESA disability benefits I find this whole situation… 🔲 terrifying 🔲 baffling 🔲 rage inducing 🔲 disgusting 🔲 [all of the above] I honestly cannot believe that a LABOUR government is looking to balance the books of the country by taking money from some of the poorest and most vulnerable in our society. This is the sort of thing I would have expected the Tories to do but when I voted Labour I honestly thought that not only would they look after and protect the neediest but they would actually make things in our society better and fairer. How wrong I was. Looks like I’m going to have to get some ‘Fuck Labour’ merch to go along with my ‘Fuck the Tories’ stuff I already own! Now I do b...

More than just a bag lady

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