More than just a bag lady

So after 5 days here is the first food that's passed my lips.  It was the microwave white rice you get in packets in the supermarket and after eating nothing at all for so long it felt horribly greasy and unpalatable. I ate about 1/5th because I didn't want to go from famine to feast and overload my stomach and bowels. It didn't cause me any real problems although I could feel my bowels waking up and working a little while after eating it. I suppose the next step is to eat a little bit more and see how I manage that.  I've been onto St Marks today to try and get another appointment with my consultant down there. The more I think about it the more uncomfortable I am about transferring my care to Nottingham to a doctor that I have absolutely no faith in or respect for, especially when the team at St Marks are so amazing. I know that logistically it's going to be difficult but in my heart of hearts I'm sure that this is the right decision. I think I need to get a l...

The last few months I've been in so much pain with my bowels and spent more hours than I can count on the loo. And so when Dr Bowtie refused to give me any help it really was the last straw. The days that followed I was so down but I realised that instead of looking for other people to solve my problems I would have a crack at doing it myself. So I have gone right back to basics. If I don't want poo coming out then I've got to stop putting food in. And that's exactly what I've done for the last 4 days. I have eaten nothing. Not a smidgen, not a crumb.  Day 1 was definitely the hardest. We all know what it's like starting a diet and wanting to eat everything that we've suddenly decided is off limits. But being stuck in hospital has definitely helped. When they came to take my meal orders I've just said that I don't want anything and then of course there's no food. It's not like being at home where you can go into the kitchen and stare at the f...

You know the saying 'I've hit the wall' usually said by long distance runners to describe a point during the run where they feel like giving up, that they can't run another step? Well that's how I feel. I've had enough of being in hospital and I've had enough of feeling like crap. I've felt like this in the past during long stays in hospital and I know that two and a half weeks is nothing compared to the length of some previous stays but every hospital admittance just chips away at you, knocks a bit more of the fight out of you and throws you three steps backwards. And when it's taken months or even years to make those steps forward its soul destroying.  It has been my wedding anniversary this week and I was expecting to spend the night on my own with just a phone call from Hubby. But my parents had the kids for a sleepover and Hubby surprised me by sneaking into hospital at 9pm on his way home from work. Visiting hours finished at 8.30pm but being i...

"I'm afraid I have some bad news" the doctor told me on Wednesday. They're the words that make you stop breathing for a few seconds and your stomach do a flip. They're the words you never want to hear come out of your doctors mouth. Ever. But they did. So to  say the last few days have been a bit shit would be a bit of an understatement.  On Monday I had felt OK and my observations (blood pressure, temperature, pulse etc) were good but on  Tuesday afternoon I just didn't feel so great. Hubby said that he rang me on his way home from work and that because I sounded pretty poorly he headed straight for the hospital instead of going home and stayed there until he was finally kicked out at 11pm, way, way after visiting hours were officially over.  My temperature had started spiking, going from normal to really high in the blink of an eye, and according to Hubby I wasn't really with it which was why he was so reluctant to leave me. The cannula that they had put...

I've spent the last 10 days in hospital battling to save my Hickman line from this bloody line infection. I'm on IV antibiotics and the Hickman line is being locked with antibiotics (that's where they insert just enough of the antibiotic to sit in the line and not go into the bloodstream. And 2ml is all that's needed. There you go- you've learnt something today!)  It's been an eventful 10 days though. Would you expect anything less with me? I've had to have a picc line inserted into my arm. What's a picc line? I hear you say. The best way of describing it is to say it's like a Hickman line but in your arm instead. It's really hard to photograph because I'm trying to do it one handed and it's in a really funny place it's in my arm.  I was just lying on my bed minding my own business one morning when a porter came and said that he was taking me for a picc line. "No, not me" I replied and we then did this thing of him asking me...

So I'm back in hospital with a line infection. They're the bane of my bloody life. It started out on Saturday night when I went to hook up to my feed. I noticed green pus coming from the exit site of my Hickman line. I had a squeeze to see how much was there (a fair bit) and then there followed a load of blood. I rang the out of hours team who said that I needed to go to A&E to get it looked at but it was 12.30am on a Saturday night and it would be full of drunks and I just couldn't face going so instead I got in bed.  I woke up Sunday morning feeling ok and there had been no more yucky stuff come out overnight so I thought it was probably a one off. If I did  have a line infection then when I hooked up to my TPN my temperature would go up, I would start to feel rubbish and I would know then that I needed to go to hospital but none of that did happen and Sunday I felt fine. Big Fella was playing at a football festival at Nottingham Forests ground and I went along with H...

What a bank holiday weekend!   Friday night Big Girl had a sleepover at school (yes, school!) to raise money for a homeless charity so on Saturday morning I picked her up at 7.30am, brought her home to get changed and then we hit the A1 south. We were going to a wedding in Hertfordshire of one of the Mum's in my coffee group. Her daughter and Big Girl were born hours apart and we have been friends since meeting as 'bumps' at an NCT Bumps and Babies coffee morning. Before going to the wedding we went to Bestie's house so that I could get ready there with her and while we were at the wedding the kids could all play together (Hubbies and kids came to the evening do leaving us mums free to be people not mums for the day)  Hubby dropped me and Bestie off at the wedding venue and I checked into our room there. We had purposefully arrived early so we could have a bit of time together and have a catch up. I went to the loo and when I came out 2 bottles of Prosecco and a box of ...