I survived Back to School- give me a gold star! 🌟

I know it sounds mad but sometimes I actually enjoy it in hospital. Of course I don't like being more ill than usual but it's a chance for me to get a bloody rest. When I woke up at home last Thursday nobody brought me breakfast in bed or offered to put fresh sheets on. I almost forgot to take my medication because I had become so used to having a nurse sort all that out for me. Not only do I get to physically rest in hospital I am able to mentally shut down. I don't need to remember birthdays or which kid is going to which friends house or stress about what to feed my ultra fussy Big Fella. For a week or two (or sometimes more) somebody else has to worry about the minutiae of life and I can be selfish and just think about me.

The reason I say this is because since getting home I've become immersed in all this shit and I'm shattered already. The the kids going back to school is a major cause of stress. Big Girl was set 7 pieces of homework to do over the summer but with a few days to go she still had 3 left to do. If it were up to her she wouldn't do any of it and then ask me to write a note saying I had been ill and could she be excused? I've told her though that it won't wash now and she needs to pull her finger out but I basically have to go into her room, remove the phone from her hand and force her to do it. It would be easier to just do it myself! Luckily this weekend neither of them have been given any homework so we can relax and chill out.

I've just about survived the first week back. Setting the alarm and getting up at what feels like the crack of dawn had not been fun and has left me exhausted. I was alright Tuesday and Wednesday but by Thursday I was wrecked and couldn't get out of bed. I can't seem to shift this bug/virus/flu thing and it seems to have reared its ugly head again. I've spent Thursday, Friday and Saturday in bed and barely moved. It sounds pathetic but my arms hurt soooo much. They ache and throb and lifting them up requires so much effort it's ridiculous. It's like my body is made of lead; I feel heavy and slow and sore. I tried to get an appointment with my GP on the 6th September and the earliest one they could offer me was the 22nd!!! Two doctors surgeries in the local area have been forced to close due to malpractice in the last month and their patients obviously have to go somewhere. When the first one was shut 1000 new patients registered at my GP surgery someone at the attached pharmacy told me when I went to get my repeat prescriptions. One thousand new patients but no increase in the number of doctors or the opening hours of the clinic. And when the second one closed my Dad said he saw them queuing out the door so goodness only knows how many more have been added to the books.

I know lots of parents were desperate for their kids to go back to school but not me. I wish they had more time off because it meant lie ins, lazy days and holidays. I feel that I've missed out on so much time with the kids that I just want to keep them close and spend time with them doing fun stuff. I don't want to be nagging them to get their school stuff ready, or having to check they've got uniform ready for the next day or stressing about after school clubs and classes. But I don't really have a choice unless I take them out of school and homeschool them. I can teach them about antiques by watching Bargain Hunt, property management from Homes under the hammer and that actually our family is pretty normal by watching Jeremy Kyle! Only joking. Cause as much as I have loved the school holidays I have missed my quiet, childfree time where I'm able to have days where I stay in bed and feel sorry for myself. Because that's one thing that you simply cannot do when you have kids. As good as mine are they're still kids and most of the time they think the world revolves around them. Sometimes that's a good thing because it forces me to get up and participate in life. If I didn't have the kids I know that would barely leave my bed let alone the house!

I'm just hoping to start feeling a bit better because I'm fed up of feeling this crap. By the time I get to see my GP I will either be better or on my knees...

NB xx

New car smell

After everything that’s happened over the last 5 weeks not many days have been good days but today was. I will write a blog post about everything that happened but that’s for another day! Today I went to pick up my new motability car and got to breathe in that new car smell. I am now the proud lease holder of this lovely Volvo XC40. To be honest, part of me wasn’t sure whether to write a blog post about getting the new car with everything that’s been going on with the disability benefit reforms. There’s been so much written about motability cars on social media but a lot of it is misinformation and hate and that made me nervous to write this post. But I figured that most people reading it are friends and family and understand my need for the car. But for those that don’t let me explain a bit about how the motability scheme works. I am lucky enough (or unlucky enough depending on how you look at it) to claim PIP- personal independence payment. This benefit is designed t...

The germs have got me 🦠

Being on azathioprine, influximab and prednisone is helping to control this recent Crohns flare up. But unfortunately they work by wiping out my immune system making me more susceptible to all the bugs doing the rounds. I refuse to stay at home and be held hostage by these meds though- for me they are there to give me my life back, not to make me a prisoner in my own house, so the inevitable has happened and I’ve got a cold. ‘It’s only a cold’ you might think, but with no immune system to fight it off this cold has made me pretty poorly. Yesterday I couldn’t get out of bed and felt so, so ill. I was coughing and struggling to breathe so I’m pretty sure I’ve got a chest infection too. But I can’t confirm that because apparently even being immunocompromised with a suspected chest infection is not enough to see a GP these days! I spoke to the receptionist at the GP surgery this morning who told me that all the urgent appointments for today were gone (and this was at 8.25am, aft...

Disability benefits cuts

So in Rachel Reeves spring statement earlier this week it was confirmed that there will be massive changes to the benefits system including the way that PIP is assessed and changes to the health element of Universal credit. As someone who is receipt of both PIP and ESA disability benefits I find this whole situation… 🔲 terrifying 🔲 baffling 🔲 rage inducing 🔲 disgusting 🔲 [all of the above] I honestly cannot believe that a LABOUR government is looking to balance the books of the country by taking money from some of the poorest and most vulnerable in our society. This is the sort of thing I would have expected the Tories to do but when I voted Labour I honestly thought that not only would they look after and protect the neediest but they would actually make things in our society better and fairer. How wrong I was. Looks like I’m going to have to get some ‘Fuck Labour’ merch to go along with my ‘Fuck the Tories’ stuff I already own! Now I do b...

More than just a bag lady

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