So tonight Hubby and I are going out. And not just out, but out out. I've agonised over what to wear as we are going to a fancy restaurant in Covent Garden and I've piled on so much weight that not much fits. I found a dress with a bit of stretch in it but thought it would look better with control knickers on. I fought my way into them, pulling and yanking at material and poking bits of my belly as it was trying its hardest to escape, falling out of the sides and poking over the top. Oh the joy of being a woman! But after half an hour of wearing them my bowel began to spasm from the tightness and so I ended up making a dash to the loo, so desperate to get them off that I enlisted the help of Hubby to yank at them with me! Finally they lay round my ankles on the bathroom floor and I could breathe again!
The other issue I'm facing is the heat. I've spent most of the day just sprawled on the bed, fan on and hooked up to a bag of fluids trying not to dehydrate. When it came to getting ready I moved away from the fan to the mirror and began sweating so much that my make up wouldn't stay put on my face. It just kept sliding off, leaving me to resemble somebody that had had a stroke. Knowing that I would have my legs out for the first time this year I fake tanned them along with most of my body. This has meant though that my morphine patches won't stay on and with the tan and the sweat they're practically falling off my arm. So instead of using one patch every 3 days I can use 2 patches a day at the moment. When I go back to the GP they're gonna wonder where they've all gone. Hopefully I can convince them that I haven't been selling or eating them.
There's also the problem of my swollen feet. They appear to have no intention of going back to normal size so I can't fit them into most of my shoes. So I've plumped for flats tonight. It's definitely a case of being comfy over being glamorous. And Hubby still told me I looked beautiful. Whether he means it or is lying I don't really know but I'll take the compliment anyway!
Then I've had to sort out bags. I'm hooked up to a bag of saline so I have a 1 litre bag of fluids plus a pump to carry. No problem! I thought. It will fit in my black clutch bag that I was going to use. Yes it will but nothing else can. So there was no room for my purse, my medication, my tissues, my emergency kit compromising of spare tena pads and knickers incase of unexpected evacuations... And all the other bits and bobs that a woman needs when going out.
So the solution was to throw the clutch bag into my everyday handbag and take that with me. So I'm going out in sandals, a dress that shows off some, ok all of my wobbly bits and a giant handbag. But I don't really care. The people we are going out to have dinner with know about my illness and they will hopefully accept me for me. This is actually the first time I've been well enough to go out with Hubby and socialise with this particular group of friends for years so I'm just looking forward to seeing everyone and having a good catch up. I'm sure some people will stare at the tube coming out of the armpit of my dress and the scars that are visible on my neck and chest but I'm at the stage now where I'm comfortable being me. If they ask about it then I will happily explain but if they want to stare then that's ok too. I'm just excited to be going out out in London with Hubby and nothing will spoil my night.
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