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It's today

The day has arrived. I have my PIP appointment today. After the last one was cancelled I didn't know where or when it would be but I got a letter through the post rescheduling it and it's today. I'm dreading it. My stomach is in knots and my head is all over the place. I'm trying to get out of bed but my legs don't want to work. I just want to pull the duvet over my head and pretend that it's not happening. 

It's bad enough that I have to live this life but then to go and tell a complete stranger all about it and admit how much of a mess everything is just seems too much. I know that the system is supposed to be there to make sure the right people get the money and that 'fakers' don't slip through the net but it feels as though it's set up to make it as difficult as it can possibly be. I applied for PIP (personal independence payment) which replaced the old Disability Living Allowance in AUGUST!!! It's now April. The form I had to fill in had about 50 pages and was so difficult to complete I can't tell you. And I'm not stupid. I'm sure some people must give up at this point- that's probably why the application form is as long and difficult as it is. And it will take another 6-8 weeks before they make a decision and hopefully start to pay out some money. 

I have no idea what I'm going to be assessed on today though. The letter says it's not a physical examination but I wouldn't be bothered if it was. I've nothing to hide and plenty of scars to show them! I have to take medical letters with me- Hubby will need a forklift truck to carry them! I also have to take photo ID to make sure that it's actually me attending the appointment. Can you believe it!? I'm dreading the hour long car journey to get there. I'm not good with travelling and usually need a nap when I arrive but I guess that's not going to be possible today. 

I think I will pull the duvet over my head. I can't get out of bed and do this just yet. It just feels like too much to cope with. I'm exhausted, in pain and I'm barely keeping my head above water as it is at the moment. I wish I didn't have to go today but I know that if I don't go it will look bad and then there's no hope of getting awarded any money. I will go because Hubby will make me but for now I think I will pull the duvet up and stay in bed. But I will set an alarm to make sure I get up in an hours time to sort myself out. Wish me luck. 

NB x


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