I'm home. And it's brilliant. I'm back with my Hubby and my kids and finally it's starting to feel like Christmas. Even before I was ill, the plan was to go to Nottingham and spend the festive season with our families there. So now it's all systems go to get packed and ready to get up there and try to catch up with friends before we left.
I was discharged on Saturday afternoon at 1.30pm and I'm sure most people would have gone home to rest. But not me. By 2pm I was at the bowling alley with Hubby, the kids, bestie and her family. I know you probably think I'm mad but I have my reasons. You see on Christmas Eve we started going bowling with besties husband and kids while she was at work and a tradition began. We went every year and we all look forward to our bowling and McDonald's afterwards. This year is the first year bestie was going to be able to join us as she's on maternity leave but we wouldn't be there as we would be in Nottingham. So we made plans to have our Christmas Eve on the 20th instead. And that date was always in my mind while in hospital. It would have really upset me to miss that day and the kids would be gutted too.
So the fact that I was discharged just in time was obviously a sign that I had to go. I didn't bowl because I didn't have the strength to pick up the balls but it was fab to be able to sit and watch and soak up the atmosphere. The kids had loads of fun and had everyone laughing when they got the baby to 'help' them do their final bowls. It's a good job the baby is as laid back as he his as he was passed around the four of the them but we got some funny photos for the album!
It's another one of our silly traditions to have a picture of out feet in bowling shoes and this year shows the non bowlers and the newest addition to the family.
After bowling everyone headed back to my house. The kids played, the grown ups chatted, I went to bed for a sleep and then in the evening we made a big order to Dominos. I thought it would be really hard to be around everyone while they were eating but actually my appetite has been so small since being ill I wasn't really bothered.
After dinner we played board games and I kept reminding myself how brilliant it was to be there. I honestly hadn't thought I would be and I was enjoying every single minute of it. We had a big sleepover and I got into bed exhausted but so, so happy.
The following day we all got up, got dressed and after having pancakes for breakfast (even the baby had his first taste of pancakes!) we both went to our respective churches for Sunday mass. After mass we were supposed to go to out for lunch with 2 of my friends and their kids but I felt so exhausted I realised that I just couldn't do it. As much as I wanted to see them, exchange gifts and catch up with all the gossip I had to listen to by body which was telling me to go home. So that's what I did. But they all came too!
Instead of it being chaos, the kids all played together and I still got to have a good catch up with my friends over coffee from my new tassimo. (I'm getting all posh me!) I had wanted to have a sleep after they left but I had forgotten that I had arranged for the hairdresser to come round. So me and the kids all had our hair done which is not as simple as it sounds. Big Girl is fiercely loyal to our old hairdresser who is on maternity leave after having twins so she took some persuasion to get her hair done. And Big Fella hates having his hair cut. Always has ever since he was little. We usually get him to the barbers every 4-5 months but even that is a total nightmare. So I thought that if I could get his hair done without leaving the house it would be ideal. But he didn't want his hair doing by a girl. So instead of bartering, bribing and cajoling I decided to take back control. I knelt down so that I was on his level and said "I'm your Mum. Usually I let you do what you want, you have your friends round and have loads of fun. So today I'm telling you that you're having your hair cut. I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. Ok?" And do you know what happened? He just said ok mum. And that was that. No screaming, shouting and having a tantrum. Yes! One nil to me.
So after haircuts it was dinner time. I knocked up some tea and as I sat eating my rice I started nodding off, like a toddler does.
I was ordered up to bed, but "only for an hour" as Hubby had a list as long as his arm that he wanted to get through that night. And I was helping he told me. So after my nap I was sent up to the loft bedroom to wrap presents, start packing things for Nottingham and get all my medication and TPN ready. I had to think about the maximum amount of days we might be in Nottingham, then factor in extra incase I dropped something or something wasn't right and then count it out. Then count it again. And again. And again. Because if I forgot anything or didn't have enough of a particular item then I would be stuffed.
I finally got into bed around midnight and I just hit the mattress and was asleep. The next day was Hubby's last day at work so while he was out of the house me and the kids wrapped all his presents. We decided that we were going to have a lazy pyjama day and they played xbox and watched tv while I finished off the packing and other jobs.
One of my friends popped round unexpectedly with her little girl (one of Big Girls friends) and they went off to play while we had a coffee and catch up. They stayed and had lunch with us and it was really lovely. I have really enjoyed catching up with everyone in the days since being out of hospital and although I was exhausted I was so happy. Later in the afternoon another friend dropped by to exchange gifts and then not much later Hubby was back from work. We sat and had dinner altogether as a family and then after that it was operation pack the car.
We knew that we would need the roofbox on the car to bring everything home that Santa delivered so that went on and then Hubby started to load the car up. He has this amazing talent of making everything fit and packing the car Tetris style! The final thing to go in was my TPN which is kept refrigerated. The 2 litre bags that feed me every night were put in cool bags and were the last things to go in so that they could be the first things out when we got to Nottingham. Me and the kids got into the car while Hubby did the final checks in the house, switching plugs off and locking all the windows and doors.
And then we were off. 🚙
All the rushing around and pushing myself to keep going even though I just wanted to collapse was worth it. We were on the road to our family in Nottingham and I knew that once I got there I would be able to rest and get some Mummy and Daddy TLC. Since being ill last year I've found travelling really difficult. It seems to wear me out and make me feel incredibly ill. Even if I sleep during the journey I still have to have a lie down once I reach the destination. Any journey more than half an hour seems to tip me over the edge and I was dreading the journey to Nottingham incase we hit really bad traffic and were stuck in the car for hours on end.
Luckily the roads were clear, probably because we had ended up leaving at 9pm! Three hours later we pulled up outside my parents house and Dad was there stood in the doorway ready to help us unload. We have been very lucky because Dads next door neighbour has gone away for Christmas and very kindly given us the use of her house. This meant that all my TPN could go straight into her fridge rather than putting a few bags in my parents fridge, a few bags in Hubby's Aunty's fridge and the rest in my grandparents. After what had happened in Liverpool I was worried about having my TPN in different places because I wouldn't know if they were keeping their fridges at the right temperature or if my bags would be taken out for a few hours to make room for the turkey. It also meant that we were able to put all the Christmas presents in her house which meant that there was no way the kids would be able to find anything.
After helping to unload the car I went to bed but couldn't settle. I was in a lot of pain and my whole body ached. I couldn't sleep so had a swig of my extra strong painkillers, laid down with my electric heat pad and watched Salmon Fishing in the Yemen on the iPad. (It was good actually, definitely worth watching and I can recommend the book too).
The next morning I didn't wake up until 11.30am. I could have turned over and gone back to sleep but I could hear the kids giggling with my Dad so I got up to go downstairs and spend some time with them. While I was asleep Hubby had unpacked all the bags and hung all the clothes in the wardrobe, got all my medication and supplies in the drawers for me and headed out to the shops to get the last few bits. And I hadn't heard a thing. I must have been out of it! My Dad had taken the kids out for breakfast and now they were playing games. Big Girl had found one of my old board games called Bewitched so the four of us sat down to play it.
It was so nice to just sit playing with the kids, laughing and not having anything to worry about. This is what I had been dreaming of while I was in hospital and it was like a dream come true. I know it sounds corny but I've missed so many things and been denied even the most basic things like taking the kids to school, sitting and watching tv with them etc. I had even missed being able to do homework with them which although is such a nightmare it's something that when you can't do it you want to be able to. And here I was playing and laughing and living.
The one thing I've found hard though is all the food and drink being around. My mum has a sideboard heaving with goodies and I know that I can't have any of it. I have found myself just standing staring at it, smelling the bowls of chocolates and nuts just to feel like I've had them.
But I have found that I'm able to eat fudge and tablet in small amounts without any pain. I think it's the fact that it's pretty much just sugar that makes it easy for my poor tummy to cope with. And I've been lucky enough to have some proper Scottish tablet made for me by my Aunty. Everyone loves her tablet but I've told them it's hands off. They can eat anything and everything over the coming days but this tin is mine. And only mine!
I'm not quite sure how I'm going to cope on Christmas Day, sitting with a bowl of white rice while everyone ticks into their Christmas dinner. If it's too hard I think I will say I need the loo, and just stay up there for a very long time!
Today on Christmas Eve we have had precious family time. Although I really missed spending the day with besties family it was lovely to be able to go round to Hubby's sisters house and let the kids play with their cousins. I sat and played with them, sang Christmas songs, made paper snowflakes and drew snowmen and Father Christmas' for them to colour in. And I enjoyed every bit of it.
Then it was back to my parents, dinner, baths and then the real magic of Christmas Eve. The kids set out their tray for Father Christmas. A mince pie for the big man himself, a drink of cider and iron bru and a carrot for every reindeer. And all the chocolates out of Big Girls advent calendar. She saves them for Santa every single year!
Then we snuggled down to watch 'The Snowman' followed by 'The Snowman and the Snowdog' which we watch every Christmas Eve without fail. Mum sat in her chair, Dad laid on the floor as he always does when he watches tv and the four of us all were all together on the sofa. And in that moment everything was perfect. It didn't matter that I was hooked up to my feed and attached to the rucksack. All the cares of the last year seemed to vanish. And sitting there with Big Fella on my knee, Hubby next to me with Big Girl on his knee I was the happiest girl in the whole wide world. That's what Christmas is really about. It's not the presents, the tree or the decorations. It's being with the people that you love most in the world and being present in the moment and actually loving them and feeling them loving you back.
Merry Christmas!
NB x
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