Curtains closed

I have pulled my curtains round today and I'm not opening them. I can't bear to have the old woman diagonally opposite tell me how hard she's had it, how unwell she's been and how she's so much iller than everyone else. (I don't think iller is a real word, but I don't care, it sounds right). 

You see she was in hospital for ages last time. All 3 weeks of it. *Rolls eyes* She's one of those people that goes on and on and on. If I hear her say about how skinny she's got because she's been ill one more time...she has said it about 10 times today. And she's not even that skinny. 

Everyone in here has a story to tell but we don't always tell it 24 hours a day (unless like me you blog about it 24 hours a day 😉). It's just sometimes you have to know when to be quiet and let someone else talk and this woman doesn't. She's been there, done that and knows better than everyone. 

She also moans about the food (it's disgusting) the tea (it's too strong, it's too weak, it's too cold), the doctors, the nurses, the weather, the price of food...everything. 

And if I keep my curtains closed I can't see the ward. I can't see the other 3 beds and the nurses milling around. I can  pretend that I'm just lying in my own bed watching a film. Just minus Hubby. And my own actual bed of course. 

I feel a bit rude doing it. It kinda breaks the unwritten social etiquette of a hospital ward. Curtains should only be pulled round if a) it's bedtime b) the doctors or nurses are with you or c) you're crying. As I meet non of the above criteria technically my curtains should be open but hey, I'm a rule breaker! I don't want to make polite chit chat with people. I'm too tired. I don't want to have to avoid eye contact with the ladies opposite. I'm too tired. I don't want to be nice today. I'm too tired. 

I'm tired. My whole body hurts and I feel like crap. Even typing this on my phone hurts but I need to get it down because maybe when it's on here it won't be in my head and I will feel better. 

I don't know why I feel like this. My Dad came to visit this week, we had a lovely picnic together, outside in the hospital gardens and he even washed my hair with me. And Kitty came today which was fab and she promises to return with homemade scones! I have netflix, thanks to one of my friends, so that coupled with the wifi means there's no way of getting bored. I must be having one if those everything hurts and I feel like shit moments. It will pass. 

I'm sure it will because Hubby and the kids are coming to visit tomorrow. First time I've seen them since Monday. I've missed them so much. I wonder if they miss me. Life for them just carries on. Hubby has to go to work. The kids have to go to school. It's just that I'm not there. Hubby has already proved he can cope without me. He is domesticated now (if only he would learn to clean the toilet he would be the perfect man!) Do they miss me or just the stuff I do for them? If hubby had a cleaner and an ironing lady would he need me? 

When I'm ill I feel such a burden to him and my family. I can't imagine what it would be like to be 'well' and have bundles of energy and be a normal wife and mum. 

NB x