Skip to main content

Devastated


This mornings ward round has left me devastated. I’ve been told that all elective colorectal surgery has been stopped while the hospital catches up on urgent cancer and other life threatening surgeries. Don’t get me wrong, I know that these surgeries need to take priority as it is literally life or death for the patients involved, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling gutted. The question is now whether I stay in hospital indefinitely until I get the surgery or whether I go home knowing that I will probably bounce back in within days or weeks. 

The gastro dr is worried that if I go home they might not have a bed on the ward when I need to come back in. This would mean I would end up on a ward that doesn’t look after patients with Hickman lines or TPN and I would probably have to come in through A&E instead of coming in straight onto F22. As much as I want to get home to Hubby and the kids I am also a bit scared. When I was brought in a few weeks ago I was so terribly unwell and the thought of going through that again at home is terrifying. Plus I don’t want the kids to have to see me like that. But then I could go home and have a bit of a good run and get to have some quality time with the family. It’s all ifs and buts and maybes. 

The other thing is that I had finally gotten my head around the fact I would be having surgery and when I’ve had a really bad day I’ve been able to tell myself that it won’t be long until the op and I might get fixed. Now I’m going to have to cope with the illness and the not knowing of when the surgery will be. I just feel so fed up. Nothing ever seems to be straightforward and it always seems like one step forward, two steps back. 




Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Caravan wankers

Over the last few years when I was stuck in hospital for long periods of time Hubby and I would talk about what we would do if I ever got ‘better’. During some of those times when I was so, so poorly the idea of just being at home for more than a few weeks at a time seemed like a far fetched dream. But I’m currently living that dream! And obviously I know I will never ‘get better’ but for these purposes ‘getting better’ meant being well enough to be at home, not in pain 24/7 and not in bed all day, every day. Not too much to ask now is it??  So in our talks, once I was at home and was well enough to do the real basic things like watch Big Fella play football, Big Girl play netball, go to Tesco, play with the dog, go to the cinema etc one thing kept cropping up. We would love to have a motor home and tour round the country. We talked about the places we would like to visit, how much Buddy the dog would love it and how it would give us a chance to reconnect with each other.  But...
1 comment
Read more

The light at the end of the tunnel is a train

Last week was a busy and pretty crappy week for me health wise. I had to go and have blood tests done with the nutrition nurses and I had two hospital appointments; one with the gallbladder surgeon in Nottingham and the other with colorectal surgeon at St Marks. I was hoping to have at least one surgery date to write in the diary following these appointments but I came home empty handed on both occasions. Here’s what happened.  I began noticing over the last few weeks that I’ve started feeling really crappy. I’m feel lucky to have been at home for the last 6 months and I have been the most well I have been for years but it felt like things had shifted slightly recently but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. But years of being sick means I know my body and I can tell when something isn’t right. I have been feeling permanently exhausted and having way more bad days than good. I’ve gone back to spending 2, 3 or more consecutive days in bed, unable to do anything but watch tv and sl...
1 comment
Read more

Trying to get vaccinated

When I was an inpatient recently I asked about getting the Covid vaccine because I’m classed as Clinically Extremely Vulnerable (ECV). Apparently other patients on the ward had gotten theirs but I was told that it wouldn’t be possible and that I would have to get in touch with my GP. Apparently staff within the hospital had been using the system to book vaccinations for friends and family by saying that they were an inpatient and as a result they were now only vaccinating staff who could show their ID badge.  I can understand that people are worried about the people that they love but to think that people abused the system in that way makes my blood boil.  So when I was discharged I rang the GP surgery and was told that they had absolutely nothing to do with the vaccination programme and that I would need to get in touch with NHS England. So I called NHS England and spoke to an adviser who told me that according to the system I wasn’t eligible for a vaccination. I explain...
Post a Comment
Read more