I know it sounds mad but sometimes I actually enjoy it in hospital. Of course I don't like being more ill than usual but it's a chance for me to get a bloody rest. When I woke up at home last Thursday nobody brought me breakfast in bed or offered to put fresh sheets on. I almost forgot to take my medication because I had become so used to having a nurse sort all that out for me. Not only do I get to physically rest in hospital I am able to mentally shut down. I don't need to remember birthdays or which kid is going to which friends house or stress about what to feed my ultra fussy Big Fella. For a week or two (or sometimes more) somebody else has to worry about the minutiae of life and I can be selfish and just think about me.
The reason I say this is because since getting home I've become immersed in all this shit and I'm shattered already. The the kids going back to school is a major cause of stress. Big Girl was set 7 pieces of homework to do over the summer but with a few days to go she still had 3 left to do. If it were up to her she wouldn't do any of it and then ask me to write a note saying I had been ill and could she be excused? I've told her though that it won't wash now and she needs to pull her finger out but I basically have to go into her room, remove the phone from her hand and force her to do it. It would be easier to just do it myself! Luckily this weekend neither of them have been given any homework so we can relax and chill out.
I've just about survived the first week back. Setting the alarm and getting up at what feels like the crack of dawn had not been fun and has left me exhausted. I was alright Tuesday and Wednesday but by Thursday I was wrecked and couldn't get out of bed. I can't seem to shift this bug/virus/flu thing and it seems to have reared its ugly head again. I've spent Thursday, Friday and Saturday in bed and barely moved. It sounds pathetic but my arms hurt soooo much. They ache and throb and lifting them up requires so much effort it's ridiculous. It's like my body is made of lead; I feel heavy and slow and sore. I tried to get an appointment with my GP on the 6th September and the earliest one they could offer me was the 22nd!!! Two doctors surgeries in the local area have been forced to close due to malpractice in the last month and their patients obviously have to go somewhere. When the first one was shut 1000 new patients registered at my GP surgery someone at the attached pharmacy told me when I went to get my repeat prescriptions. One thousand new patients but no increase in the number of doctors or the opening hours of the clinic. And when the second one closed my Dad said he saw them queuing out the door so goodness only knows how many more have been added to the books.
I know lots of parents were desperate for their kids to go back to school but not me. I wish they had more time off because it meant lie ins, lazy days and holidays. I feel that I've missed out on so much time with the kids that I just want to keep them close and spend time with them doing fun stuff. I don't want to be nagging them to get their school stuff ready, or having to check they've got uniform ready for the next day or stressing about after school clubs and classes. But I don't really have a choice unless I take them out of school and homeschool them. I can teach them about antiques by watching Bargain Hunt, property management from Homes under the hammer and that actually our family is pretty normal by watching Jeremy Kyle! Only joking. Cause as much as I have loved the school holidays I have missed my quiet, childfree time where I'm able to have days where I stay in bed and feel sorry for myself. Because that's one thing that you simply cannot do when you have kids. As good as mine are they're still kids and most of the time they think the world revolves around them. Sometimes that's a good thing because it forces me to get up and participate in life. If I didn't have the kids I know that would barely leave my bed let alone the house!
I'm just hoping to start feeling a bit better because I'm fed up of feeling this crap. By the time I get to see my GP I will either be better or on my knees...
NB xx
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