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One year on

Today is a really significant day in my recovery. It was exactly a year ago when a friend sent me a picture of the kids on their scooters for scoot/cycle to school day and it broke my heart because I was in hospital and wasn't with them. Things in hospital had been really tough and it was kinda like the straw that broke the camels back. I remember being so down that day and feeling as though I had hit rock bottom (although sometimes I wonder how many rock bottoms there are for one person to have to hit in a lifetime!). I had no signal on the intestinal failure ward at St Marks so wasn't able to go online or message friends. I desperately wanted to get well enough and go home and be with Hubby and the kids; to take them to school and tuck them in at night and read bedtime stories but there didn't seen to be a light at the end of the tunnel. 

I remember what happened as if it were yesterday. I left the ward as I needed to get some air and I just couldn't be there any more, I felt like I had to get out. I ended up in the Costa they have at the hospital and I used their wifi to log into Facebook and see what was happening in the real world. 

And this is what I saw: 


And as I scrolled through my newsfeed I saw that all my friends had changed their profile picture to this:


So as I scrolled down all I saw was Don't give up time after time after time. And I realised that I wasn't in this alone. I had friends and family cheering me on, willing me to get better. And although I was in a dark place I knew that they were right. I couldn't give up. I had to keep fighting. 

And here I am, a year on and I'm still fighting. I'm home, yes. But I'm not better and never will be according to my doctors. So I have to adjust to a slower, simpler life without the rush and bustle and huge jobs list to get through everyday. But do you know what? It's not that bad. No, I can't work. I can't do a lot of things a used to be able to do. But I'm at home with Hubby and my kids which is where I so desperately wanted and needed to be. And today on scoot/cycle to school day my kids rode their bikes with me walking by their side. I never thought that I would be able to do that a year ago or even a few weeks ago. I've spent the day in bed recovering but it was worth it. 

It's amazing the difference a year can make. 

NB x


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